Taking 5 children to the dentist by myself is a unique experience; it's not as simple as making the appointment and showing up.
First, Psychological Preparation: I have a few kids who melt into full hysterics at the mere mention of the dentist. After I've calmed and assured them that this is the 'fun' appointment called a check-up, during which no pain can be inflicted upon them, then I explain the day & time they'll be picked up from school.
Second, Additional Arrangements: I trade carpools assignments and spend one hour checking out 4 kids from 3 different schools, and then we make our way to the dentist's office. Our first destination is the bathroom, where I break out the toothbrushes and toothpaste I packed, so that the dentist doesn't look into little mouths riddled with lunch. Then we coordinate the elevator-button-pushing-schedule so that each child gets to push one button by the time we're done, and I remind them on the elevator ride not to unclothe any part of their body while in the dentist office (I'll explain later.)
Third, Waiting-room Warfare: Now, I love my dentist's waiting room for several reasons and I curse it for others. When we started going to this place, it was ideal. It has a giant bird habitat with a dozen busy birds, a kids movie playing above a few big love-sack bean-bags, puzzles and children's books, and a friendly staff who likes kids. Sounds awesome, huh?! Well they decided to improve on a good thing, and they added two massage chairs complete with foot massage stands, and a snack center with crackers, pretzels and granola bars, and sometimes they pick a video for an older audience.
You're wondering how this is bad... I'll elaborate.
I sit in the waiting room for 2 hours while kids go in one at a time for their cleaning, x-rays and fluoride treatments. During these 2 hours, I have to remind the kids not to get TOO comfortable in the waiting room, because when you spend that kind of time in a confined space you start to feel like you own the place. They want to take off their shoes, socks, belts, (I once had someone start to undo his pants) and then they want to jump from one love-sack to another, or tunnel under them, or rearrange the furniture.
And the massage chairs call to them like sirens call to sailors who then crash their ships on the rocks. These chairs were made for stressed-out adults who only want to sit quietly and relax, but is that what little boys want to do? Noooooo. They want to surf on the wobbly massage footstools and jump off of them. They want to see how the massage pad at their back changes their voice when then talk, sing or yell. They want to push all the buttons on the remotes 10 times and generally abuse the equipment. I've been down this road before and like the good-mean mother that I am, I've BANNED them from the chairs. But they try at least 5 times each to walk, sneak or con their way over to them until I've threatened them into submission.
On this particular visit, the video on the wall was Rocket Man. Not a great kids show. I should have asked the staff to change it - my mistake. So the kids were bored quickly, which aggravates all of the above behavior. And, do you remember the teeth we just spent 10 minutes brushing. Well, that snack bar is the other siren song that has my kids asking every 5 minutes during the 2 hour wait, "Mom can I have a granola bar?" "Mom, can I have some crackers?" "Mom, I'm soooo hungry - I'm starving!" "Mom, Pleeeease, can I eat something?!"
Finally, The Dentist Exam: 90 minutes in and they've all had cleanings but no one has actually seen the Dentist. Now they're REALLY hungry, but they REALLY can't eat anything because the fluoride treatment requires no eating or drinking afterward for 30 minutes. We wait a little longer until the dentist is available and we all traipse back into one exam room. Well, on this visit I was ONE minute later than the kids in getting to the exam room (It takes me a minute to herd children, pick up puzzles, the baby, the diaper bag, yada yada) I walk into the room and the dentist is crying...
He's laughing uncontrollably...
and so is the hygienist.
He tries to recover his speech and says, "You just missed the fun."
He wipes tears and explains...
Max was the first to sit in the dentist chair. As the dentist begins to adjust the chair, Max jumps to a standing position with one arm in the air like a professional cowboy. He starts flailing and yells, "Yeeeeee-Haaaaaaa!" like he's riding a big black bull. He lasted less than 8 seconds and then collapsed back onto the chair.
Ohhhh, Max.
The Dentist can't stop laughing.
He's never seen anything so funny in his office before.
The exams begin...I keep telling the kids to not touch things, and stop wandering around, and stop blocking the dentist's view of the x-rays, and wait until it's your turn to have the dentist examine your teeth.
The Good News: No cavities... okay, Lauren had one on a baby tooth that's about to fall out, so we ignore it. Everyone picks a prize and proudly carts their new toys & tooth brushing kit to the van.
There you have it... It's what I like to call a successful trip to the dentist.
Jared couldn't wait to get his hands on his cake. We've learned that he prefers the frosting over the actual cake. (Yes, he takes after his mother.)
