Clever Max Quotes

Max is four years old - not even four and a half. However, he's so darn precocious I have to remind myself that he's still very young. Anyway, he's been cracking me up this week with funny comments. Here are a few:

Max: Guess what, Mom?
Me: What?
Max: I really really really really really really GOOGLE love you!
Me: Wow, that's a lot of love! I google love you right back.
*I swear only Matt would teach his 4 year old what a google is. (a number with 100 zeroes after it.) Anyhoo...

Max: Wow, Mom you're driving really fast!
Me: Actually, I'm not up to the speed limit yet.
Max: Oh, what if you drove a MILLION! (like "We should definitely try that!" ...then sighs) But that would totally be breaking the speed limit.

Max: Mom, I got to sit by Savannah today.
Me: That's great. Max, what do you like about Savannah... what makes her special?
Max: She knows who I really am.
Me: Wow! and who is that?
Max: I'll whisper it to you... I'm a vampire.
Me: (laughing) Well what do you like to do together.
Max: We play house.
Me: Oh, are you the Dad and Savannah's the mom.
Max: No, I'm the kid and Savannah's likes to be the dog.

Max: Mom, I'm a GENIUS at finding fings (things) and losing fings!"
Me: Yes Max, YOU are definitely a genius.

Me: Max, it's time to clean your room.
Max: (tapping his fingers to his lips thoughtfully) Perhaaaaps....?

Me: "Okay guys, what do you want for breakfast? Cereal? ... Eggs & toast?"
Max: (taking a pose on my bed like the statue of liberty) "JUSTICE FOR ALL!"
***I'm laughing and thinking, "that wasn't on the menu, but why don't I through in world peace for lunch."

Oh Max, I love you! Thanks for making my days a joy!

Deck the Halls!

Some people may accuse me of taking 'the cowards way out' this Christmas, but I'm NOT sorry! At least, I hope I won't be sorry. With Jared as my fifth child I am VERY WELL acquainted with the mischief that Christmas decorations inspire in toddlers.

They're like sharks in a feeding frenzy

tearing open wrapping...

chewing on electrical cords...

dismantling ornaments...

entangling themselves in lights...

thrashing the stockings...

and knocking down the tree... again... and again... and again!

Now, my other children were born much earlier in the calendar year than Jared, so once they were mobile for Christmas, there were months of extra maturity. That meant the fifth time-out for abusing the tree sunk into their wee-little consciousnesses, and the frenzy subsided. I'm convinced that my busy little Jare-bear won't 'get it' this year.

He's already notorious for knocking down the ficus trees in the living room and he thinks it's hilarious whenever I tell him 'NO.' The full-sized Christmas Tree (and it's ornaments) would not survive him this year.

The Proposal:
Scene: sitting around the dinner table the day after Thanksgiving.

Me: You guys, we need to talk about something. I've given it a lot of thought and I think that we should NOT put up our regular Christmas Tree this year.
Everyone: What! No! Why not? Etc.
Me: Now hear me out. I'd like to put up a small tree instead; one that can be placed out of reach from Jared. I just don't think he'll be able to leave the tree alone this year, and I don't want to spend the Christmas season fighting him off of it.

The Negotiation:
Matt: Well then, I'd like to get a REAL tree. I miss the smell of a real pine tree in the house.
Me: Okay, I think I can find a small one.
Matt: I think we need to set a budget; .
Me: Okay... do you think $30 is reasonable?
Matt: Yeah, but I don't want to spend more than $30 on this.
Lauren: And I think it should have colorful lights.
Me: Okay, we have a couple strands like that in storage.
Max, Gabe, & Zach: Can we decorate it?
Me: Yes, the kids can hang ALL the ornaments.
Lauren: Can I put on the ornaments I made?
Me: Absolutely! Listen, I promise I will do my best to let everyone have what they've asked for. PLEASE, let's do this JUST FOR THIS YEAR, and then next year he'll be old enough to control himself around the tree.

* They agree*

THE HUNT:
I was surprised by how many places no longer sell live Christmas trees or their stands!
On a random errand to Rite Aid this week, I found an adorable little Noble Fur for $19.95, but I skipped buying the stand because I thought I could get a better deal somewhere else.
Three stores later... no luck. I went back to Rite Aid for a stand on sale for $7. Spent $2 on some ribbon and came in under budget. YES!

DECKING THE HALLS:
Saturday morning was filled with Christmas Spirit. Matt and Max were collecting food with the Young Men organization to donate to the Food Bank (collected more than expected - awesome!) The kids saw the tree and said, "That's not a small tree; that tree is BIG!" Matt has named the tree "Tiny Tim." Love it! While Jared napped, the older kids pulled out the 5 totes of Christmas decorations, and I quickly strung the 'colorful' lights. The tree and stand were too large for the table I had in mind, so we placed it on the fireplace hearth where the giant ottoman could block Jare-bear's access to the tree. Lauren & I decorated the mantle, Gabe helped hang stockings, all the kids hung ornaments, and we snuggled on the couch to read half a dozen Christmas stories.


And then Jared woke up...


Okay, so the position of the tree needed a few more adjustments, but I think it'll work. And no one can say I didn't TRY!
I just want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas, and I hope the Christmas Spirit is spreading through your home too, no matter how you deck your halls. Happy Holidays!

Jared's First Birthday

I know this is so cliche to say, but seriously...
Where does the time go?!
I can't believe it's been one whole year since our little Jared was born!
The kids have been begging to go to the new Pirate Island Pizza, so we took the opportunity to celebrate there. They're making their scariest pirate faces in the picture below.

Jared did NOT love his pirate hat....

...but Matt sure did. He thought he was just hilarious with that thing on. He wore it all through dinner... to the store... back at home. I think he had the most fun at Pirate Island too. His favorite game was the shooting gallery - where he has now earned the title of "Dead-eye Daddy."
Oh, what a cute BIG kid.

Jared couldn't wait to get his hands on his cake. We've learned that he prefers the frosting over the actual cake. (Yes, he takes after his mother.)

Jared LOVED all of his gifts! Special thanks to all of his grandparents for the wonderful presents - each gift was unique and he is totally delighted with them.

You would think I was a rookie-mom because I made a HUGE mistake by taking the gifts away from him in an attempt to take this photo. When I took away the hammer... it was the last straw.

All-in-all it was a fun, busy day, and we just keep thinking that we are so grateful this adorable, funny, busy, noisy, charming little man is in our lives. We love you Jared - Happy Birthday!

Adventures in Dentistry

Taking 5 children to the dentist by myself is a unique experience; it's not as simple as making the appointment and showing up.
First, Psychological Preparation: I have a few kids who melt into full hysterics at the mere mention of the dentist. After I've calmed and assured them that this is the 'fun' appointment called a check-up, during which no pain can be inflicted upon them, then I explain the day & time they'll be picked up from school.
Second, Additional Arrangements: I trade carpools assignments and spend one hour checking out 4 kids from 3 different schools, and then we make our way to the dentist's office. Our first destination is the bathroom, where I break out the toothbrushes and toothpaste I packed, so that the dentist doesn't look into little mouths riddled with lunch. Then we coordinate the elevator-button-pushing-schedule so that each child gets to push one button by the time we're done, and I remind them on the elevator ride not to unclothe any part of their body while in the dentist office (I'll explain later.)
Third, Waiting-room Warfare: Now, I love my dentist's waiting room for several reasons and I curse it for others. When we started going to this place, it was ideal. It has a giant bird habitat with a dozen busy birds, a kids movie playing above a few big love-sack bean-bags, puzzles and children's books, and a friendly staff who likes kids. Sounds awesome, huh?! Well they decided to improve on a good thing, and they added two massage chairs complete with foot massage stands, and a snack center with crackers, pretzels and granola bars, and sometimes they pick a video for an older audience.
You're wondering how this is bad... I'll elaborate. I sit in the waiting room for 2 hours while kids go in one at a time for their cleaning, x-rays and fluoride treatments. During these 2 hours, I have to remind the kids not to get TOO comfortable in the waiting room, because when you spend that kind of time in a confined space you start to feel like you own the place. They want to take off their shoes, socks, belts, (I once had someone start to undo his pants) and then they want to jump from one love-sack to another, or tunnel under them, or rearrange the furniture.
And the massage chairs call to them like sirens call to sailors who then crash their ships on the rocks. These chairs were made for stressed-out adults who only want to sit quietly and relax, but is that what little boys want to do? Noooooo. They want to surf on the wobbly massage footstools and jump off of them. They want to see how the massage pad at their back changes their voice when then talk, sing or yell. They want to push all the buttons on the remotes 10 times and generally abuse the equipment. I've been down this road before and like the good-mean mother that I am, I've BANNED them from the chairs. But they try at least 5 times each to walk, sneak or con their way over to them until I've threatened them into submission.
On this particular visit, the video on the wall was Rocket Man. Not a great kids show. I should have asked the staff to change it - my mistake. So the kids were bored quickly, which aggravates all of the above behavior. And, do you remember the teeth we just spent 10 minutes brushing. Well, that snack bar is the other siren song that has my kids asking every 5 minutes during the 2 hour wait, "Mom can I have a granola bar?" "Mom, can I have some crackers?" "Mom, I'm soooo hungry - I'm starving!" "Mom, Pleeeease, can I eat something?!"
Finally, The Dentist Exam: 90 minutes in and they've all had cleanings but no one has actually seen the Dentist. Now they're REALLY hungry, but they REALLY can't eat anything because the fluoride treatment requires no eating or drinking afterward for 30 minutes. We wait a little longer until the dentist is available and we all traipse back into one exam room. Well, on this visit I was ONE minute later than the kids in getting to the exam room (It takes me a minute to herd children, pick up puzzles, the baby, the diaper bag, yada yada) I walk into the room and the dentist is crying...
He's laughing uncontrollably...
and so is the hygienist.
He tries to recover his speech and says, "You just missed the fun."
He wipes tears and explains...
Max was the first to sit in the dentist chair. As the dentist begins to adjust the chair, Max jumps to a standing position with one arm in the air like a professional cowboy. He starts flailing and yells, "Yeeeeee-Haaaaaaa!" like he's riding a big black bull. He lasted less than 8 seconds and then collapsed back onto the chair.
Ohhhh, Max.
The Dentist can't stop laughing.
He's never seen anything so funny in his office before.
The exams begin...I keep telling the kids to not touch things, and stop wandering around, and stop blocking the dentist's view of the x-rays, and wait until it's your turn to have the dentist examine your teeth.
The Good News: No cavities... okay, Lauren had one on a baby tooth that's about to fall out, so we ignore it. Everyone picks a prize and proudly carts their new toys & tooth brushing kit to the van.
There you have it... It's what I like to call a successful trip to the dentist.

Trip to California

October 15-19, 2009

This trip spanned 5 days and included 5 hotels and 26 hours of driving. The kids were amazingly good on the drive - I was seriously impressed. We broke up the driving each day with the real purpose of our trip which was visiting family. Unfortunately, I was so captivated when we were with these family groups that I COMPLETELY forgot to take pictures of each group! I do however, have pictures of our beautiful fishing detour in the Sierra Nevadas, our afternoon at the beach and our trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. I also have a few with Matt's grandparents, Bert & Iona Wheable. It was a precious, bitter-sweet time with them as we expressed our love to Grandma for what is probably the last time. We LOVE them and are so grateful for their love, their lifelong service to Matt and their examples in all of our lives.

Fishing in the Sierra Nevada Mountains

San Carlos Beach, Monterey, California

Jared kept reaching out to catch the birds that swooped down along the shoreline.

Lauren found a huge jellyfish and Zach stepped on it!

Fortunately he wasn't stung... Whew!

Monterey Bay Aquarium
with Grandma Barbara & Adam

Big Grandpa & Little Grandma

We love you

Trick or Treat

Max: "A TREAT is something you eat that gives you PLEASURE in your brain!"

This is what happens when you get tricked instead of treated for Halloween.

The flu hit Zach hard at 2 am Saturday morning.

He spent the day in bed taking doses of medicine & chicken noodle soup between hours of sleep.

Isn't this one of the saddest faces you ever saw.

He'd planned to be a ghost, and he certainly felt like a phantom observer watching everyone else head for fun while he stayed at home. I tried to make it up to him by letting him play on the computer.

Though he never uttered a word of complaint you can still the see the misery on his face.
Poor sweet boy!

The rest of the kids had a good night collecting candy with Dad.

My personal treat was this grinning little pumpkin.

He's soooooo Yummy!

Aquarium

On Monday, Lauren was out of school while Zach & Gabe were in, so I let her pick somewhere fun for us to spend the day together. She wanted to see the Aquarium and we had a great afternoon.

Jared LOVED the aquarium.
He would giggle and try to reach through the glass to grab the fish. He especially loved trying to touch the manta rays.

Max is seeing what it feels like to be shocked by an electric eel.
So Cute!

The Young Gentleman

Zach was thrilled when we received an invitation to his teachers wedding reception. He's been counting down the days!

I asked Matt to watch the rest of the kids so Zach and I could have a night out. This is a 'first' and I loved every minute of it.

We put on our Sunday best and went to pick out a gift. We talked and laughed and talked some more. He practiced giving a firm handshake with me before we went through the receiving line, and his teacher said he looked so handsome in his suit. The end of the evening was the highlight, though.
I'd asked Zach to put the car keys in his suit because my skirt didn't have pockets, and as we reached the van I asked for the keys.
He gives me a thoughtful grin and says, "let the man take care of that," and then he proceeded to unlock the van and open my door.
Of course, I had to give him a kiss on the cheek for such gentlemanly behavior and we headed home.
Oh, I love, I love, I love being a Mom!

The Race

We registered Zach, Gabe & Max for their teams in May with the understanding that Matt and I would divide-and-conquer when it came to the torrent of games in September. Five days before the season begins, Matt gets the news that HP is ending their travel-freeze and he's expected in California for 3 weeks... oh, and then it stretched to 4 weeks.













You have to understand that I've done a soccer season ALONE before with kids on 2 teams and it was NOT my finest hour. This time we had kids on three teams and a then some!
Elder Boyd K. Packer once cautioned about the problems of over-scheduling. "When you schedule a child, you schedule a family, and most importantly, you schedule a mother."













We SERIOUSLY over-scheduled.

I could hear a Kentucky Derby announcer in my head saying, "The race is set to begin at 2:45 folks and Cock-eyed Candace has entered the shoot. You can feel the thrill in the air; it's going to be a great race today.

BANG!!!!

And she's off, folks! The first lap is a 40 minute round of school carpool and then they'll try to squeeze in a snack and a 1 hour lap of homework before they're off to the daily hurdles...

Monday: Lauren's Karate Class & Family Home Evening
Tuesday: Lauren's Drama Class and Max's Soccer Game
Wednesday: Lauren & Zach's Piano Lessons, Gabe's Soccer Practice, & Zach's Soccer Practice
Thursday: Zach's Scout Meeting, Max's Soccer Practice, Zach's Soccer Game, 20 minutes for dinner at the park and transporting the chairs to Gabe's Soccer Game!
Friday: Boys out of school at noon, so it's weekend house cleaning and a family field trip to the Children's Museum, park, or aquarium
Saturday: 8am Max's Game, 12:30 Zach's Game, 3:30 Gabe's Game
Sunday: 3 hour wrestling match at church with Jared the baby gorilla.

"... And then she'll do it all again!"

"Eeeewww! She forgot the treats for Gabe's team! That's 14 broken-hearted little boys... she'll be hard-pressed to recover from that one!"

"Oh! Ladies & Gentlemen we have a few surprise obstacles on the course this month! It looks like Matt's birthday, 3 team pictures, 5 canning classes, 2 Native American dioramas, 3 parent-teacher conferences, a YM/YW combined etiquette dinner and 20 volunteer hours for the school carnival, website and auction.

"Can she make it!?!?!?"

"You can see the strain as she enters the final stretch. She's looking pretty haggard but she's not dead yet."

"YES!!!
Racing fans, she has crossed the finish line! The sweat is dripping from her brow and you can actually see the new gray hairs, but it's over, ladies and gentlemen, and she's still BREATHING!"

In all seriousness, I've loved watching the boys play soccer. Zach passed off his first series of piano books and Lauren is about to pass off the second series. All the kids got rave reviews at their parent-teacher conferences, and I have to express extra thanks to Lauren who so CHEERFULLY helped with Jared and even took Max to his soccer practices at Westmore.

I couldn't have made it through the month without her!

Matt was wonderful on the days he was in town and even one-time things like my Mom moving our van from one soccer parking 'lot' to another made a huge difference at a FREEZING soccer game. I'm so relieved that we made it through, but I have to add...













Oh please, oh please, oh please, oh please, oh PLEASE
let Matt be in town for the April Soccer Season!