Last Thursday, I was exhausted. I had very little sleep the night before, and I'd spent the day paying bills and taking care of three sick kids including a toddler who was miserable and difficult to appease. I was still trying to get the kids to finish their homework and clean up after dinner, when low and behold, the doorbell rings.
All the kids RACED to the door, including two sick ones who were dressed in pajamas. Jared bolted into the front yard and Lauren was chasing after him by the time I even reached the doorway. General chaos erupted, with children scattering everywhere in an attempt to dodge the remaining homework and clean-up. They all seem to KNOW that the two door-to-door salesman on my front porch were the distraction they'd been waiting for, and now was the time to make a break for it.
Ah.... door-to-door salesmen. I keep meaning to hang a "No Soliciting" sign by the doorbell, but I haven't gotten around to it.
them: "Hello, we're with Utopia," they say. (The guy nearest the door seems like the trainee, and the guy at the back must be the trainer)
me: (in my guarded voice) "Hello?"
them: "We're just in the neighborhood talking to people about how they like their internet service."
me: "Listen, my husband chooses the internet service, and we're really happy with what we have." (hint... I'm not interested)
them: "Oh, we're not selling anything."
me: (yah, right. You're knocking on my door for fun.)
them: "We're just TALKING with people about Utopia. Is your husband the Tech Guy one of your neighbors mentioned?"
me: (I'm thinking... I don't know if he's the Tech Guy someone mentioned, and I DON'T KNOW YOU. I'm not giving you any more information about my family) "There are several people on this street who work in the computer industry." I say - which is true.
them: "Well, you ARE wired-in aren't you?" says the trainer "You use fiber-optic cable?"
me: "Yes, in fact, I think we use Utopia, and like I said, we're very happy with our internet service." (Hint, hint... nothing to sell here. Move along.)
*I can hear Jared screaming and I can see that Lauren is having a hard time keeping the bare-foot pajama-clad toddler out of the street. Gabe & Max are hopping on their bikes & trying to race off before their distraction leaves. Zach is still standing by my side in his pajamas, but I'm getting really worried about Jared and the scattering kids.
them: (the trainer decided to take charge of the conversation, and give the trainee a demonstration of how this should be done.) "Well, you seem like you don't know much about Utopia." He says in his lecture voice, "We're an organization that's been est..."
me: (all patience gone! I've got to get Jared back inside, and I'm not going to play this game.) "No, listen. I'm not interested in learning more about Utopia." (They're visibly taken back.) "In fact, we've got a lot going on right now, and it's time for you to go." (They're eyes are wide and they're walking backwards, saying goodbye. One almost trips over a pile of lumber I've got in the drive way.)
I can see that Lauren has just caught hold of Jared and I holler, "Lauren, bring him inside!"
I usher ALL the kids back in the house in a huff, and Zach says with a little disbelief,
Zach: "That was kind of rude!"
me: (still annoyed, I snap...) "Zach, they're door-to-door salesman, and they probably have the worst job in the world. However, that doesn't mean I have to stand there talking to them all day. I have a million better things to do!"
Zach: "Well, there's a lesson!" He says and then adds "I'm not sure I should learn that one."
me: (ouch!)
It took me while to think this over. Later that evening...
me: "Zach, you were right. I WAS rude to those salesmen. In fact... I'm sure I could have found a nicer way to let them know I was done talking with them. I'm sorry I embarrassed you, buddy."
Zach: "Thank you... it's okay." he shrugs.
I'm convinced that children are SUPREME hypocrisy detectors! Maybe a sign that we've done a good job teaching them our values and principles is when they can look back at us and say, "Hey! You're not practicing what you preached to me!"
No doubt, I would have chastised Zach for talking to people that way, and he recognized it.
Two days later, I was loading a couple of kids in the van, and saw the two Utopia guys walking down the sidewalk. I stopped them and apologized for the way I spoke to them the other evening. The trainer felt he still needed to share his thoughts about Utopia with me. I listened patiently this time as a form of penance even though I was anxious to get on the road. (By the way, we really DO like Utopia cable, I just don't like door-to-door sales.) Zach wasn't around when this conversation happened, so I made a point of telling him that I'd apologized to the men I had been rude to. Zach approved ;D
It's funny, but maybe one of the best examples we can give our kids is how to behave after we've messed up. I always appreciated that quality in my Dad. If he got after me by mistake or behaved badly in front of us, he would acknowledge it, sincerely apologize and we'd move on. I really respected that. I think I always aspired to be a PERFECT example - yah, that hasn't happened! I DO make mistakes and so do my kids, but I don't want any of us to hide from it, deny it, blame others, or play the victim. You can't grow if you do that. Of course, we need to teach our kids what is good and we should strive to set a wonderful example, but now I've learned the value of a different kind of example "Teach your children what to do when they mess up..."
Admit it.
Apologize.
Try to make it right.
Move forward.
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